Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
