we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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