i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
