I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
