I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
