break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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