dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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