Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
