Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
