I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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