real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
