I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
