I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
