i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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