i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
