i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
