my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
