I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
