Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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