dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
