I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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