Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
