Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
