guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
