is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
