so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All the doctor said was why
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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