Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
