Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
