ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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