So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sober January is a disaster.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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