I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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