it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
