If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
