I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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