She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
