Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
