He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
