im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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