so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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