You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
whose ass print is on the piano?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
