I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
