i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
