So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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