Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
