I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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