I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
