someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
