I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
