Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
