The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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