I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this just has baby written all over it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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