you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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