I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
