Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
