I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
