Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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